January 24 2005:

Kirk goes off on issues at work (he works at American Eagle in Montgomery Mall):

Ok first one is easy. This is for all you dumb shit lazy ass slacktards out there. You see I fold clothes for a living. Glamorous? Fuck no, but I get a sweet discount and my job is NOT hard. So get off my ass. Your the ones who make my job hard. See believe it or not, when you go into ANY retail clothing store, its most likely that the people who work there already hate you. Why? Well because whether you personally do it or not, there are tons of assholes out there who shuffle through our clothes like hogs at the trough. The clothes are all nice and neatly stacked, them some dumbass comes along and single-handedly wrecks a stack of clothes. Why? Well they had to find their XXL at the bottom of the fucking stack. Not to try it on mind you, just to LOOK at it. Heres a newsflash shithead, the one on the top is, wow, the EXACT SAME. You see its funny but looking does not require touching. I know this is a difficult concept but hey, practice it. Go turn the stove top on now. When the stove turns red practice looking at it. Wow. Amazing. And if you touch it. Well. Youll find out. So basically dont touch and mess shit up unless your REALLY interested in it and not just being a dumb fuck with your friends.

People return a whole truckload of shit. All the time. Guess what? This is really fucking annoying. How did you buy 4 things and then return all of them? You did try them on didnt you? So what the fuck then. Are you really that dumb? Or maybe just that shallow and that much of a little bitch? Whats even worse is when you look on someones reciept and see that they are in fact returning an exchange. This means they bought something, returned it, but then bought something else, then returned that as well. This translates to the person at the register wanting to reach out and impale you with a sharp object. Newsflash. Your a completely worthless human being KILL YOURSELF. Its really not that hard to be more responsible with your purchasing. Ive never returned ANYTHING to my job. ANYTHING. And Ive been buying clothes there for...eh 8 months at least. Its called being repsonsible and THINKING about what your buying. Try it out. The worst offenders though are the ones who return stuff from like, 3-4 OR MORE YES MORE, months ago. Why do we take it back. I have no idea. Our policy should be, after a month if you walk in and try and return something, employees are allowed to give you the finger and call mall security on you. Following that you are BANNED from buying anything at said store for the time from one month after you bought the item until the day you tried to return it.

On People Who Complain About the U.S. Government:

The USA kicks ass. And if you dont like the US, well, get the fuck out. Yea I know all you hippies are like, I dont have to leave, why should I? Well since so many people seem to bitch and moan about how they hate our government, why dont you fucking leave? Go find somewhere better. With a better government. I dare you. Why dont you try China? Yea. Im sure that oppressive regime will roll right over when you guys decide to march about how naughty they are. Oh wait no sorry, theyll probably just lock you away in some chinese prison for oh, say forever? Dont worry though, they wont execute you. That would make them feel bad. Youll jsut get some new disease in prison and die a slow painful death. Man, their government sure does rock. What a great country. So much better than the US, why dont you go move there? Hey or try, I dont know, Iran. Youll be fine. You know, as long as your not a woman. Ah but what am I saying their countries and govs are great. Great "democratic" govs and wonderful law. Oh except if your a woman, youd better cover up your face or youll be stoned to death. but hey, no biggie right? Why dont you try Canada? Great gov, nice health care, english speaking. Dont mind the fact they have that worthless french speaking population. I mean, wow, they are such wonderful loving, not rude or snotty, people. Except wait, Canada is like the US's clone except you know, without the backbone. Its almost like there is no border at all. In fact the US should just declare war on canada. That way they can become the 51st state, but make it looks like we "forced them" into it. I'm bored of talkint about this. The US is awesome. If you dont like it, get bent you leeching piece of shit.

HAHAHA The French:

The french. You knew it was coming and you know you agree, the french are fucking worthless. France is a country full of dirty hippies and just plain pussies. Just look at world war 2. That alone speak volumes about how worthless the are. Really though I want to just cover some basic things about the french. First off, yes ive been to france and french speaking canada (and wow. I feel SORRY for the canadians). So I'm not just pulling this straight out of my ass. I was there and was witness to how truly worthless they are. Lets start with some myths about how the french are actually "good" at some things. Like their food. Wow, this is THE BIGGEST lie ever. You see people in europe just think french food is good because the rest of europes food is SO BAD. French food in reality I found to be an insult to the word suck. Sure they have their moments of the food tasting better than reprocessed cardboard, but in general the food is pretty lacking. For some reason though you can buy about 1000 different types of ham, baloney, or sausage. If you want something crazy like beef, chicken or turkey, well your SOL (shit out of luck) buddy. Next myth the french culture is really refined. Ok see its tough to tell how refined a culture is when they are pretty much nothing but rude and snotty. I would admit right away not all french people are complete assholes. Sure I met plenty of nice ones. It just staggers you how many dipshits you also have to deal with. Sorry but I dont equate rude with cultured. Anyway, what cultured group of people doesn't have their women shave their armpits. Thats just plain nasty. Next myth, the french are great artists. If you equate art with a canvas being covered in random black and red scribbles then the french have got your number. For the rest of us, this kind of art is called pure "horseshit". I swear i saw things in french art museums that I made in kindergarten. Their idea of art seems very skewed to me. They also have some art where they do something spontaneous and silly and call it art. I'll give an example. I saw this bunch of reject retards at a restaurant "making" art. What they do was buy some food and the pour it out on a table. They then proceeded to, I'm not sure, make art out of it somehow. Thats what a guy in the crowd said anyway. yes CROWD. Yes the french are actually dumb enough to crowd around some guy makin a mess on his table. Of course if a 1 year old does it, its making a mess, when a 31 year old does it, hes creating art. dumbfucks. you know I thought about creating my own art while in france. I was gonna buy up alot of gasoline, walk through their art museum pouring it all out. Then promise the french a really cool new art exhibit inside. Once they were all in I'd lock the doors. Oh dont worry, I dont have to light a match and burn them all alive. You see this will be chalked up as a communal artwork suicide. Why? Because the french chain smoke like nobody's business and can't go 5 minutes without a cigarette. Eventually one of the fucking idiots in the museum will light up. When he goes to stamp out his cigarette, instant inferno. Now THAT is art.